Saturday, November 1, 2008

My Stupid Plan That I'm Regretting, Yet Kind Of Glad I Conceived

I'm all alone in my house (essentially - everyone else is sleeping), with hordes, and hordes of Halloween candy.

But it gets worse.

This morning, after breakfasting on several mini candy bars and a few Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, I made a vow. I was standing at my sink doing dishes, and feeling rather candied-out for the moment (key word here would be "moment"). I was feeling strong. I was feeling optimistic. I was feeling like taking on an impossible task.

These dangerous emotions caused me to have the following conversation with myself:

Me: What am I going to do with all that candy around? I've already been eating chocolate and goodies for three days - one more day of junk food, and I'll be sorry.

Me: Well, fine then - I just won't eat anymore candy. Who cares if it's in the house, I can be strong.

Me: Oooo. That candy is going to last for days! Do you seriously think your willpower can outlast it? Snickers? Milkyway? Candy with both chocolate AND peanut butter? I don't know...

Me: Of course I can. I am totally in control here. I (momentarily) don't even WANT to eat anymore chocolate. Besides, the Lord wants me to be healthy.

Me: Bringing out the big guns, huh? The whole I'm-in-control-of-my-body-and-what-goes-into-it-so-I-can-withstand-any-stupid-old-craving argument?

Me: Yeah. That one.

Me: But aren't you a little scared? You know you could totally prove yourself to be weak and gluttonous on this one - it's like the perfect set-up for failure.

Me: (feeling VERY confident, strong, and momentarily candied-out) I can do this. Watch me. Not ONE SINGLE PIECE will pass these lips.

Me: You're on.

It was like making a pact with the devil. And you know what happens if you break those contracts... And I've totally committed myself. If I eat candy I lose.

I HATE LOSING! And there is GOOD candy around here!

So I'm looking for a little support. Is there anyone out there willing to join me? Willing to turn their back on chocolate and peanut butter so I won't feel so alone? Who will understand what I'm going through? Or who will at least sympathize and commiserate with me?

If so, I'll be forever grateful. And hopefully victorious. And that would also translate into not-gaining-back-those-irritating-four-pounds, which is ESSENTIAL heading into Thanksgiving/Christmas!

And now back to my house, all that candy, and an exercise in self-control. Wish me luck...

19 comments:

Pat said...

I will commiserate with you. That sounds awful. Can you exercise enough to justify eating a little bit of candy each day. I have to admit that I have never been sucessful at dieting. But just because I can't do it doesn't mean that you can. I know you can.

Look the word verifier says theabil. That means that you are the ablest person around when it comes to this challenge. You can't mess with the word verifier. Its a done deal.

Jen said...

Pat - there is no justification on this one! I would totally abuse that option...

And yes, the word verifier is the last word. (Get it?)

Marivic_Little GrumpyAngel said...

I was reading this post and had a bright idea for me that might help you. There's been so much talk about "spreading the wealth" right? So you can take all that candy to the high school admin office and spread the tempatation around! That's what I'm doing Monday taking all my Halloween candy to the office. It will get wiped out fast and temptation will be gone!

sue q said...

I ALREADY AM WITH YOU, GIRLFRIEND!!! WHAT DO YOU THINK I'VE BEEN DOING THESE PAST TEN MONTHS??? PREPARING FOR THIS VERY DAY AND THIS VERY MOMENT!!!

AND WHY AM I TYPING IN ALL CAPITALS??!!

kilax said...

I am with you! I am saying no to all those treats... forever. I will indulge a bit, maybe on Christmas, and a few days before, but I know I don't need to stuff my mouth anymore!

Kimberly said...

I was seriously just going to grab some for breakfast. But I'll join you! Not one more piece!

Melissa Bastow said...

I haven't even touched a single piece of halloween candy at all this year. NOT ONE. Because the amount of candy I have consumed would not be considered "single" or counted with even single digit numbers....

There is no will-power here, plus my shoulder devil WANTS me to eat it, and he has one of those pointy pitchfork type staffs.

I'm banned from reading this blog now, aren't I.......

Jen said...

Never Melissa! You can come hang out with us whenever you want.

And who knows... Maybe some of our willpower will start to rub off...

Mother Goose said...

i'll turn my back with you! 4 pounds is where it all starts, so many say oh it's only 4 pounds well those 4 turn into 10 and then 10 into 20. I have my treadmill out! and I am staring at the candy and bought a pair of skinny jeans. I want the jeans more than the candy.

Natalie said...

You know what helps? Having your doctor call you fat. I haven't touched a single piece yet. Although I have glared at, scowled at, and growled at Dustin for happily eating TONS in front of me. Either way... you know which medical office I went to if you need someone to call you names. It really works.

Terri and Bob said...

My kids are grown but I work in an elementary school. There is a full sized snickers bar and a mini can of coke that I am going to throw away IN YOUR HONOR because I have had the same convo with myself so many times.

skinnyhabits said...

I lost my battle with the candy on Friday. Ate 7 candy bars in about 1 hour. Did ok the rest of the weekend, and thankfully now all the good stuff is gone. Just knowing it's there is enough for me to crave it. Good luck!

Lainey said...

I was with you up to the chocolate, but peanut butter? Now you've gone too far! :o)

My husband ate most of the Halloween candy and doles me out a piece or two of the remaining if I say I have enough calories left in the day.

Charlie Hills said...

Unbelievably, I just had one piece of candy out of the kids' bags this year. One.

How'd I do it? Well you can have my secret for just four easy payment of $9.95, plus shipping and handling.

Okay, fact is. I have no secret. I'm on the "whatever happens, happens" plan, and this year I just happened to not want candy. Next year? Who knows.

T said...

okay - my joining won't mean a thing to you... #1 - I gave up chocolate for good about 20 years ago and now can't stand the smell and #2 - you don't know who I am :) (I popped over from Becky's blog... I'm a browser)

I started my new diet last week to take off the 13 pounds I had put back on (after losing 35)... down 5 now, and I'm working on avoiding the temptations...

Tenise said...

I did basically the same thing. Only mine also included measuring my post-partum body. So I'm on a sugar "fast" If I just told myself I wouldn't eat it, I'd totally cave, but once I make it a fast, then it's like I lose my soul if I give in. So, this has been my second day with no sweets after several months of major treat eating, and "cleaning out our cupboards" of treats so I could start my diet. We hadn't cleaned it out, and right after starting my "fast" I found some good stuff I'd forgotten about.

Jen said...

Charlie Hills - I'm ready to invest my $9.95. I need your secret!

T - as if I don't know who you are! I crack up daily at your comments on Glitter Gone Bad, just in case you haven't noticed me over there!

Tenise - those treats that suddenly appeared? They were obviously from the Devil. He was trying to sabotage your fast.

And I totally get the whole "fast" thing. I have the exact same mentality.

Annie Valentine said...

So did you make it? I didn't. Duh, all you have to do is go throw up in the toilet afterward, easy.


I'm KIDDING people. Sheesh.

soawesomeimightgetarrested said...

I love this blog!