Murderer of Carbs (Annie)

You made it! Yay you!

Last Sunday I started my day off with two cinnamon rolls and five cookies. The night before at a Halloween party I had five rice krispy peanut butter bars, four pumpkin cookies, a small snickers, one brownie, a bowl of chili, and seven desperate stalks of raw broccoli. The broccoli was my sad attempt to mix up the digestive process and keep things from melting into my bloodstream too fast.

To be honest, I haven't done this in about six months. I eat dessert when I want to, but it's always calculated and carefully consumed. Stuffing my face? 128 pounds is not conducive with this kind of eating. I was actually 131 yesterday, but 128 is THE WEIGHT. I saw it flash on the scale one morning three weeks ago and that was it, I was hooked. I do so much better when I have a slightly unreachable goal. If I'm always working on 128, 130 is easy to maintain.

To keep from eating the other six cookies in the zip lock bag last Sunday, I actually ran the bag full of tap water and drowned the cookies. It was my only escape. That's right, I am a cookie murderer. It's the price of skinny.

The thing is, we're all going to fall off, jump ship, or dig in. There is no eater out there who is immune to everything all the time. The key is knowing how to get a grip on the ladder and pull yourself back up. Ever notice how hard it is to get OUT of water? It's so easy to just float around all weightless. It's the hauling of the body back to dry land that painfully reminds us of the actuality of the situation. It's like stepping on the scale after a binge.

And so, here are a few of my tips for defying frosted, buttered, candied gravity.

1. Sugar free. When I'm freaking out about life and turn to chocolate, I go sugar free. It sounds so unappetizing but it's not. The Russel Stover's thin mints are great. They aren't quite good enough to binge on (and lend some serious bathroom time in case you do), but they're really strong flavored and hit the spot.

2. Water. I know, we all hear it all the time. I would die without my Jug. I have a 32 oz disgustingly thrashed jug that I fill up routinely throughout the day--especially at night. I had four pumpkin cupcakes for dinner tonight. I have washed them down with 1 1/2 jugs of ice water over the past few hours. And you know what? I don't feel one bit bad.

3. Drown it. As I mentioned with the cookies, I'm all about soaking, splashing, and drowning those beautiful tempting white carbs. If it's three o'clock and they're calling my name, I send those sirens back to the sea. That's right, I threw a beautiful cream cheese frosted chocolate chip pumpkin muffin straight into the soggy mixing bowl tonight. I am a murderer of carbs, people.

4. Stop talking about it already. You really want to see some results with your weight loss? When you have a set-back, don't verbalize it. Make a point of talking about how good you feel when you eat healthy, how much sugar screws with your body and how you can't stand the way it makes you feel. Don't talk about the water weight. Don't talk about the scale. Talk about the number you want to be and act like there's no such thing as a setback. This is a mind game. In it to win it or not, it's all about the things you say to yourself and everyone else. Like my old tap teacher used to say, "Fake it to make it."

That's it, I won't keep you here forever. If you ignore everything else I said, do this one little thing for me. The next time you walk by a mirror, stop an give yourself a big old smile, say out lout, "Man, I'm hot today!" and walk away.

Rinse and repeat.